We were both single

Hey, what do you know, two people that are single started dating.

You might be thinking “Why did JM just write that down? Of course you two were single.”

No actually, this is not always the case. Fairly regularly I am meeting people that meet each other while they are dating other people. I don’t necessarily think that is healthy but it does work for some people. For the two of us, my girlfriend and I, we were both single.

We were friends

Before we really thought about dating each other my girlfriend and I were friends. So we had some stuff in common. For one, both of us had jobs of which we had to supervise other employees. We liked talking about things that our employees did that would aggravate us, and see what the other person would say. We actually still do this to this day.

The other thing is that back when we were just friends we used to talk about previous relationships that we had with other people.

One night we got together.

I don’t know what it was that sparked it but one night my friend at the time (my girlfriend now) wanted to go out, and I was going out already with another group of friends of mine to a bar. So I invited her to come. She had never met these friends of mine before

She met me at my house and we drove together to pick up one of the guys I was going to the bar with. Then we drove to the bar. On the way to the bar my friend and her were talking about how they really liked watching porn for some reason. I really do not know how they got into talking about that.

So I joined into the conversation talking about how my ex girlfriend did not like watching porn because it made her feel insecure. If you didn’t read my last post it is about girls and their insecurity issues and it goes on by giving examples of how my ex was really insecure.

My friend and my girlfriend (not yet though) thought this was really funny and did not understand it.

So we got to the bar and I spent most of the time hanging out with the girl. We were just talking and drinking and having a good time.

We left the bar a little after midnight and we drove back to my house. We were having a really good time with each other but I wasn’t going to invite her in even though I wanted to.  I realized there was a special connection between us during that night.

So I just dropped her off at her car, gave her a hug goodbye and told her that we should hangout again soon. She seemed really happy about that and then she left. I then went inside.

Literally like 5 minutes after she left my house she wrote me a text message on her drive home and we had a conversation. This is how it went.

Girl: I really wanted to kiss you when I left.

Me: Me too, but I wasn’t sure that you wanted me too. (I really was but I was just trying to play it cool)

Girl: Can we hangout again soon?

Me: Absolutely.

It went something like that. I’m not sure what the exact words in the texts were because they are long gone out of my phone because this was a good almost seven months ago!

So I spent the next couple of days excited to see her again. When we did see each other, I took her to a restaurant/bar near the beach and we just talked and had a couple of drinks. Afterward we took a walk on the beach together and we were still just talking. Then out of no where she just started kissing me. Right there on the beach. Ever since then we have been dating. That is what inspired me to write the post about getting lucky and that’s how my girlfriend and I started dating.

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Alex Vasquez, (yannibmbr) author of the blog, The Urban Dater wrote a post about a crazy text conversation that his buddy Rod had with this girl Melina. It was so interesting that I thought I would write a little post on my blog about it.

Well truthfully it was not so interesting as it was frustrating to read because Melina is so psycho, but I guess that is what made it so interesting. It really reminded me of yesterdays post, 3 Reasons Why Insecurities Are Difficult To Handle In A Relationship.

So the post on The Urban Dater is about how Rod meets Melina when he goes out, and how Melina is so desperately trying to get a hold of Rod afterwards. Rod is a busy guy and politely tells Melina that he will talk to her when he is not so busy.  This is not good enough for Melina though. She insists that she needs to talk now! She is really infatuated with Rod who she just met you know.

This is a really comical post and I urge you to read it.  I don’t want to spoil it for you though. You can read the original post on The Urban Dater’s blog it’s called: The Anatomy Of A Crazy Text Message.

I think that he thought the conversation of texts was over between the two so he published that, but Melina I guess was not quite done. So he had to write a second post which he just wrote yesterday. This blog post is called Anatomy Of A Crazy Text… Continued.

I urge you to check them out if you are looking for a laugh. My guess is Melina is still not even done bothering Rod and that there will probably be another post on The Urban Dater about crazy texts from Melina in the near future.

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Unfortunately, going out to eat with your partner can get kind of expensive. Which is why so many people say when they break up with someone they say a positive thing that comes out of it is that they will have more money! The truth is that relationships are one of the biggest reasons why the restaurant business is such a big one!

The positives that come out of taking your partner out are the following:

1. Get good food.
2. Show your partner that they are special to you.
3. Enjoy new experiences with them.
4. Have something to talk about.
5. Be able to have some “one on one time” to communicate with them with whatever you would like.
6. Show off your partner to the world.

I’m sure there are some more but those are just some off top of my head. I love taking my girlfriend out for all of those reasons. There is no better feeling then watching a guy check out my girlfriend but no that I am the one with her. :)

Although it is nice to take your partner out to eat there are also some negatives that come out of it. A few that I have come up with are:

1. Your partner can grow to become accustomed to you taking him/her out. They can start to expect it.
2. When you take them to places that are not as nice as other places that you have taken them they can get disappointed.
3. It can get really expensive.

Sure it is good to take your partner out to eat but is it absolutely necessary to take him/her out to a fancy place each and every time? No. Actually I would say it is better for your relationship if you diversify where you take your partner.

Maybe take your partner to get fast food one day, then maybe take your partner out to get some sandwiches, then take them out for the nice steak dinner. Just make sure to even it out. Take them out to places that are within your budget.

Here is something I came up with:

• $20 or less meal – 80% of the time
• $50 or less meal – 15% of the time.
• Anything over $50 bucks – for the remaining 5% of the time.

For me this system works well because I do not have  a lot of money so when I take my girlfriend out somewhere nice she really appreciates it. There is no reason that every time you take out your partner that you need to be spending a lot of money.

Please leave some comments for me on this article below. I look forward to them all and will respond to them all personally.

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I know you are thinking that you have some questions that you wish you could ask me huh? Well, let me clarify this because I know what you are most likely thinking. You are probably thinking “wait if I can’t be looking for someone when I am out, how I am going to find someone?” The answer is…

With Patience

I know that there are some of you out there who have been in a long term relationships that can’t stand the thought of not being with someone. So when your relationship of years and years breaks up you find someone a couple of weeks later that you are then attached to. Kind of like a replacement.

I’m actually guilty of this. When I broke up with my ex about 7 months ago, just about 2 weeks after this I started dating another girl. I did not know it would last as long as it has because we are still together. But I am really happy it did because she makes me really happy. I got really lucky. Nonetheless, the reason why we have been in such a solid and healthy relationship with each other is because we started dating naturally.

Find Each Other Naturally

My definition of finding someone naturally is finding someone to date because of things that happen in your life. These are the relationships that work. Sure you will see relationships that work from people meeting people online and from people setting up people with their friends, family members, or co-workers. That is all good. If it works, it works, but sometimes you do not have someone to set you up with someone, and no one on the online dating sites seems to fit what you want in a partner.

Don’t Stress About It

Even if all your friends and siblings are happily with someone and you are not don’t think that you need to do whatever it takes to find someone. Let it happen naturally, and don’t stress yourself out because you think that your “prime time in your life” is running out because your not going to look this good forever.

What Can You Do?

All that you can do is put yourself out there and mingle with people where ever you go. If you are shy try to build confidence in yourself to meet people that you do not know.

Whatever you do, do not force anything and just let things happen. If you get asked out, go out on the date. When you date someone it does not mean you have to be with them forever. You are just testing the waters to see if that person fits the criteria of your needs.

Getting Lucky

Sooner or later you will find someone. The person that you are extremely excited about going out with and hanging out with. A lot of this is luck.

I tell my girlfriend all the time, “I’m so lucky I have you.”

I mean this from the bottom of my heart because I know how hard it is to find someone to be truly compatible with.

Please leave your comments below to add to this conversation!

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This post is going to go over why you can never be too nice in a relationship but at the same time how it is important to be yourself.  If you always do what your partner wants and always answer questions how your partner would like them to be answered, you are not being yourself and you are not being the person that your partner fell in love with when he or she did.

A Good Balance

While it is important to be interested and do things that your partner likes to do it is also important to stand strong and say no “That is not for me”.

For example, if you are a straight man and your partner always goes shopping every other week with her friends.  She may ask you to go because she always wants to you to be there with her. Which is a really sweet gesture of her but you would rather stay home.  You should stay home.  Let her be with her friends and you will see her later.  However, if your partner wants to have dinner when she gets home you should start preparing it or have a plan to go out so she knows you were thinking about her all day long.

Another example for the straight woman who does not want to fishing with her partner even though her partner goes every other week and always asks you if you would like to go.  The thing is that you really do not like fishing.  You should stay home.   Let him have some time with his friends.  Do not worry your boyfriend is not going to be out cheating on you, he is simply going to be out fishing (just something that you would rather not be doing).  Just letting him do this without giving him a hard time is really nice and your boyfriend or husband will appreciate it greatly.

When your man fishes he probably will come home smelling like a big fish.  Have him take a shower and when he comes out have something waiting for him to be happy about.  Maybe a nice snack, some beer to share with him, a movie you went out and rented, or even just go to his bed and wait for him naked until he comes out of the shower.  Any of these are all good and healthy for your relationship.

Missing Your Significant Other Is Passionate

Just the fact that you are not with them for a little bit of there day does not mean that the other person should think you do not like them.  It should just make you both miss each other.  When you spend a life with someone it is important to always have passion for each other.  Missing each other at times is often one of the best ways to keep the passion in a relationship alive.  Otherwise things can get boring and ordinary for both of you.

So the title “Why Being Nice to Your Partner all the Time is Shooting You in the Foot” stands true.  You do not want to always do what your partner wants.  It would be like shooting yourself in the foot (a metaphor for have a boring relationship).

Please if you have any comments write them below and I will try to respond to each and every one of them.  If you have not yet signed up for my weekly tips newsletter over to the right you should because right now I am giving out a copy of 101 Romantic Ideas for free.

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