3 Reasons Why Insecurities Are Difficult To Handle In A Relationship
Posted by JM | Posted in Relationship Advice | Posted on 03-29-2010
Tags: dating, insecure, insecurity, Relationship Advice
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Being with someone who is insecure is difficult in many different ways. To name three of them: They constantly and/or consistently think they are:
- Ugly and/or fat.
- Not the center of your world.
- Are having trust issues.
Since I have a couple of ex’s who were really insecure I have a little story to tell from previous experiences about these three reasons. Alright so here we go.
Hopefully everyone will enjoy these bits and pieces of my ex’s life and get enough information from them so you do not go through what I had to go through in order to learn what I did.
1. Ugly and/or fat.
My ex always thought she was for one ugly, and for two fat. I’m not talking about the normal thing “just saying your fat” kind of stuff because just about every female I know says stuff like that. It was seriously something that happened all the time.
The funniest part about it was she was not fat! It got so annoying hearing her say it all the time. It’s one thing to not be confident all the time, and it is another to not be confident all the time and put yourself down.
That is what she did all the time. Her insecurities with her body destroyed me. I would tell her that she looked good, when she really did. I would also tell her that she was not fat, because she really was not.
But nothing I could say or do could make her feel otherwise. She was just insecure about the relationship I guess.
Whenever I complimented her she would always say “You’re just saying that because you are my boyfriend.” That would seriously annoy the crap out of me.
I know what you are thinking, a lot of girls think they are fat. True, but when you are insecure you start hating on yourself for it. Most girls when they say they are fat, are not trying to hurt their own feelings like my ex would always do to herself. This is why I put “ugly and/or fat” as the number one reason why being with someone who is insecure is difficult.
2. Not the center of your world.
Whenever my ex and I would go somewhere together, (which was often because she was my girlfriend) she would always accuse me of checking out other girls. Sometimes I would be (sorry ladies but all guys do it, don’t worry though it’s not typically a problem), however I would say 90% of the time I would get accused for doing this when I would not be at all!
So annoying.
The reason why this is so difficult to deal with is because if I was going to get accused for doing something, I would at least want to be accused for something I did!
Girls, I completely understand why when you are with a guy out on a date and he takes a look at another girl how that can be awkward. I do. However, when you are with someone in a relationship for over a year and you still feel this way even though all of boyfriends actions and their words tell you otherwise it gets annoying and you are actually hurting the relationship more than you are helping it.
Are having trust issues
This is where things from someones past can become so relevant. People in relationships, male and female, have a hard time trusting their partner because of a past experience. Sure it is not fair, but I have found it is just a part of dating and a part of life.
Here is the way I see it. Sure I have had girlfriends lie to me. Yes, it hurts but, I still try my best to not let that affect the current situation I am in. My motto is: “I trust you until you prove me stupid to have trusted you.”
Okay, here is a situation in a past relationship that was really difficult to deal with because of my ex’s insecurities. This is actually a story from a different ex let’s call this girl “Unpredictable.” Unpredictable is the ex I am referring to in this story I’m about to tell. The other two were referring to a different ex. Just wanted to make that clear.
One day, I logged into facebook like I always would and there was a message from a different ex let’s call this ex “Crazy.” Well whatever no problem right! Wrong! Unpredictable was standing right behind me!
Let’s take a step back. Crazy, the ex that wrote me on facebook, I had told 3 different times not to contact me anymore because Unpredictable was irritated by her. Which of course she had a right to be. The thing was that even though I told Crazy not to contact me she still was trying!
Unpredictable was furious and told me that she did not believe that I had told Crazy three different times not to contact me. I was thinking about proof from which I could give her but unfortunately there was none because I told Crazy by text. The texts one my phone had gotten completely full because at the time I could only hold 100 text messages in my phone. After 100 messages my phone would tell me I would need to delete them in order to receive any more messages.
Unpredictable did not believe me and would not buy this. She never let me forget about this. The truth is I really did text Crazy three different times. Just like I told Unpredictable that I did.
This is what I said: “Leave me alone, I am really happy with my relationship I am currently in and you are ruining it every time you contact me, please stop!” Pretty convincing right? Wouldn’t you think any girl would stop contacting me (their ex-boyfriend) if they received a message like this. Crazy still insisted on writing me on facebook. Unbelievable.
So this made Unpredictable believe that I said nothing to make her stop. This was bad.
To prove this even a step further I sent Crazy a message on facebook right in front of Unpredictable. I said the same thing I wrote in the three previous texts. Unfortunately, Crazy still tried contacting me after this. Unpredictable would get furious.
That relationship is long over now thank goodness, but wow I wish Unpredictable would have been able to stop being insecure and just trust that I did not want anything to do with my ex!
Alright there you have it three reasons why being with someone who is insecure is difficult. I hope to hear all of your comments and reflections on this post!
Relationship-Passion.com
by, JM
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Nice post, and very true. Trust can be difficult for many women because so many guys are dogs. Not all, and it’s not your problem, but a past history with jerks can make one insecure. The fat thing is kind of ridiculous. Sounds like she needs therapy.
Thank you very much. I really enjoyed writing this post. The fat thing is totally ridiculous and that girl does need some therapy. Seems like common sense. Thanks for the comment, and I’ve been enjoying reading your blog as well. Keep up the good work.
Kind Regards,
JM
Good post- made me laugh a time or two! It’s so true tho. I know a lot of girls like this and I feel sorry for the men they are with! Women need to be more secure in themselves and project that into their relationships.
I totally agree. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Looking back on those relationships it makes me laugh too. :)
That’s funny because I have a couple of ex’s who are Crazy and Unpredictable.
You must have been the other guy:)
Dave W
Yeah I’d imagine there are many of them out there!
There are times, after nearly 25 years of marriage, when you yearn to be young, free and single again. After reading this you realise there are many advantages of being in a stable relationship!
Thank you for your comment! There are many advantages to being in a stable relationship. There are many people with insecurities out there and when you are with someone for a while those insecurities tend to fade :)
I once had a guy tell me that confidence is the sexiest thing. And now I love the whole fake it till you make it. I will act like I am super confident and then slowly but surely I get there. NO one likes someone that is self depricating. I once dated a guy who would constantly say “Why are YOU with ME?” and after a while I got tired of telling him, and I started to wonder, why was I with him? Great blog! Coincidentaly I found I because i goodgled “what to do when a guy asks for space?” do you think that is just a nice way of saying they want to break up, or that they really need space?
It depends on the situation! Thanks for the comment? Anymore details about the situation you can give me to help give you some advice?
We have only been dating a month, kinda started all hot and been talking marriage (he brought it up, not, me!) Then we had our first lil like argument (he misunderstood a text) and then randomly he starts pulling away and tells me he still wants to be with me but he needs some space. He does have a lot going on, but now I’m thinking its that whole “he’s just not into me”.even though last weekend he was all over me. So odd. He is in army and has ptsd, so maybe this is his way of shutting down and not letting someone in? Either way I’ve given him his space but of can’t just sit around and wait forever!!
Do not wait! Why do you need to wait for him? One week he was all over you and the next week he needs space. You say he miss understood your text and he need space for that. Men will say anything to get what they want. He is in the army. The old guy give the new guys the games. (What would work on the women there)? DO NOT WAITING! He got you all he wants in the first month. He may be done with you! If he really wants you, he will be back. DO NOT WAIT ON HIM! Do you think he is waiting on you? Have you or anybody you know have someone say I need space then turn around and break up with someone. I have done it! Make them wait! Your have more fun! Men are running game to get what they want anyway! If a man really wants you, he will chase you for a date and it will grow into marriage. If it for real and not a game. He is going to do what it takes to have you. I am talking about a good man. The dogs not going to care and they will tell you what you want to hear. He is going to do what it takes to have you. If your hot and heavy with him the first day, week, month. They got your goody! What did you get out it?